Life hurts

Sometimes life is just painful....Today is one of those days for me.  I have been training for close to 5 months now for the Half Marathon Flying Pig in Cincy and today - two weeks before the race - I may have a stress fracture in my foot. 

I don't get it...I have always been athletic before and done well, I don't break bones.  But here I am, so close to accomplishing this great endeavor in my life, and the rug is being yanked out from under me.  I'm mad, I'm upset...I am hurt, I am sad.  I am a whole conglomerate of things, but mostly I have to be thankful.  It could be worse.  I might be able to rest for the next two weeks and be okay on race day.  I might not.  (I am gonna give it my best for sure though)

Through it all though - We only need to ask one question: Is this what God wants?  God is going to use me no matter what...Perhaps, He will use me through healing my foot.  Perhaps he will use me through the attitude I portray in the next two weeks.  God doesn't tell us He will meet all of our hopes and desires...Sometimes he just says No.  You don't get to see the fruit of your labor, but does that call us to labor less the next time?  Not at all.  It just calls us to labor harder, and harder.  We might never see the results, I might never cross my finish line, but God will know the work I put into it, He will know whether I obeyed or not.  It's not about winning, it's not about crossing that line, it is truly about the preparation and endurance of the whole.

Crossroads

Essentially the last few months have been a lot of different crossroads for me...I have thought about it over and over and over...I have tried to figure out what God has prepared me for, I have tried to figure out why I have been placed at these crossroads of where to live, what jobs to take, how to provide for myself, etc, etc. 

The reality of it is though - I don't think there is an answer.  At least not an answer that I am suppose to know.  My job is to trust God and trust Him fully...My job is to choose Him no matter what the crossroad is that faces me...This was emphasized to me again today in both Sunday School(ABF) and church.  I love it and it frightens me (Mostly it frightens the control freak side of me).

I don't know what is stirring in me, or what God has prepared me for, but I know He isn't done.  I may have started a job this week, and chosen what I believe He wants me to do for now, but that's not the end of the decisions.  Every road we travel has a lot of turn-offs and a lot of curbs.  We still have to pay attention or we might run past a curb and straight off a cliff.  We have to make sure we veer when God says, not when we want to. One turn-off may look exciting to us, but we still have to make sure we ask God what it is that He wants from us...That exciting path may be where everyone else on the road is going, but that doesn't make it right. 

Defying the crowd, defying friendships - that's hard.  It's not easy to say NO to the ones you love...To let them know that You will love them no matter what, but can't morally agree with a decision, or can't participate in something with them because it stands against what you believe.  For me - I believe it's even harder, when you allowed yourself to stray away and do things you didn't agree with with those friends.  To tell them No now, that's hard.  But God doesn't convict you of something without reason - Never doubt the convictions God puts on your heart.  FOLLOW THEM.  Don't allow yourself to fall into the paths of the world, because it is fun and easy.  In the long run our goal in this life isn't to be happy and live content, fun lives, but rather it is to Serve God to the fullest no matter what the circumstances. 

When you face your next crossroad - figure out which path you are going to take...Do you choose Jesus' path or the path of the crowd? 

Nerves from Change

So, I have always struggled with change...I tend to go into bouts of depression and/or struggle with why God has put so many changes in my life.  In reality - I have had to change things a lot...Since I was 12, I have been moving every 3 years or so - and they haven't ever really been simple moves, but rather big ones...Move States, move continents, etc.  This is the first time in my life that my change issue comes with physically staying in the same location, but just moving jobs. 

The funny thing about that is - this is a big change from what I am used to...Each of my previous examples of work places I have been completely uprooted - New home, new place, new churches, no friends.  This time I keep all the same social aspects of life, but change jobs...And I think I am more nervous about this job than any...

But why am I nervous?  Well - change is scary...Change means new things, new impressions, new judgments.  Face it - most people will judge us instantly...And that is scary.  More than anything I get nervous because I doubt myself.  Perhaps this isn't what God wanted for me?  Perhaps I sold out when I chose the safety that comes with a manufacturing job rather than waiting on news for something different? 

Reality - Worry doesn't come from God - peace of mind comes from God.  I worry, because I have stopped trusting that this is His permissive will for me.  God wants me in Northern Kentucky for some reason or another - and He wants me to be provided for, however it is that I choose.  As much as my heart desires and longs for a time to go on the mission field and help those that are impoverished and hurting, God has told me that Now is not the time...In fact - He point blank told me that tonight...Wait in Him, enjoy the ride, praise Him in everything we do...Amazing what a difference that can make. 

So as much as I am nervous - I am trusting that God will provide for me and prepare the path for me with my new job tomorrow.  He will be there for each of us...sometimes it's hard to imagine, sometimes we don't necessarily feel His presence among our friends and/or family, but God is there hoping you will include Him in your day!